I am 13 weeks and 2 days pregnant. And exhausted alllllll the time. My lively friend Nausea is still sticking around for the time being, but I'm praying that quits soon. I've lost 8 pounds since I got pregnant. I really need to ask my doctor what his weight recommendations are for me. I never had that with Mischa, and I keep seeing all the other women on my board talking about how they've been told to only gain 15-20 pounds over the course of the pregnancy (how cruel is that).
We went in for my 12 week check up last Friday, and everything is going great. The heartbeat was in the 150s range, and the baby wouldn't hold still! Kept moving away from the doppler. I was a little disappointed that the nurse was able to pick up the heartbeat. If they couldn't, we would have gotten another ultrasound. Does that make me bad? I go back in 4 weeks for another checkup and bloodwork to check for Down's Syndrome. Then on July 2nd we'll be having the anatomy ultrasound and find out who's wiggling around in there! I'm already feeling the baby move at times. Last night I was rocking Mischa to sleep (remember this) and the baby was kicking her! I know she couldn't feel it, but evidently the baby was squished lol.
Ok, so a few quick things. I'm not going to go into huge detail on my list because I'm tired, and they are emotionally draining subjects and I need to sleep without nightmares tonight.
1. My Uncle Ronnie is the youngest of 6 kids. My grandma's baby. His wife has two kids already, but they just had their first baby together (his only child) a year ago. He killed himself January 6th. He was found two days later. I got the phone call while I was in the middle of Walmart.. I've never cleared out of there any faster in my life. Thank God, Dusty was with me because I didn't make it to the door before I broke down and about had a melt down in the middle of the HBA section. I knew I was getting looks, but who cares about anything at that point. At that moment, my world shattered, and nothing made sense. We had just seen him at the Christmas get-together, and everything seemed fine. We made an emergency trip up to the family (they live 5 hours away), and spent the weekend throwing the funeral together, trying to keep ourselves from wandering too far. Me trying to quit smoking went straight out the window. I think I could have gotten up to half a pack a day if it weren't for Mischa. [Side note, I have quit since then.]
My grandma has deteriorated so much since then, it's scary to see her. Since my grandpa died several years ago, she has become a bitter woman. Never towards us, but it does come out when certain subjects are brought up. Ronnie dying has definitely made it worse, and her broken heart is showing itself in her face and features. I swear she's aged 10 years in the past 4 months. The circumstances around his suicide, which I probably can't divulge much so I won't say anything other than he was basically bullied into it because of a horrible situation, I'm sure doesn't help at all. Because honestly, if it weren't for a lie that put his integrity under scrutiny, he would still be here. And everyone knows it. And it's the hardest thing to realize that if one person hadn't sold the validity of a lie, he would be here.
Mother's Day. The first holiday since he died that involved Grandma. I guess her bad days are worse now, and a few family members were worried about her for Mother's Day, so my dad (it's his mom) and two of my sisters made the trip on Mother's Day to meet with family and spend the day together, and they drove home the same day.
I had a decent Mother's Day. We spent most of it with Dusty's family. Not everyone came because most had to work, but at least I got a seat on the couch! Dusty didn't get me anything, not even a card, but he claims he didn't have a chance to. But whatever. It doesn't matter. All he's getting for Father's Day is a card since he'll be getting a tattoo for his birthday!
Relay. Our friend has cancer in his tongue, and it has spread down his throat. He has had surgery twice already, and we found out today that it is back for the third time. The doctors can't do surgery or radiation, and I guess they're going to try chemotherapy and hope it works. Please pray for him and his family! And Dusty, because I don't know how he's going to hold it together if he loses another friend. Five months before Mischa was born, he got a phone call at work saying a friend of his was in a head-on collision with a semi. He was life-lined to Indy and brought back several times before they pronounced him at the hospital. Since then, we've had another friend diagnosed with cancer, but thankfully he beat it. (PTL!)
Ok, rocking Mischa. Lol. (I'm trying to remember everything in my mental list!) It's so hard to have that pressure on my belly now (she's 26 pounds now!), so we're working on getting her to lay in bed and put herself to sleep while I sit next to her. And it's worked a few times. But last night she just wasn't having it! So I ended up having to rock her, and yeah, the baby was squirming and kicking that side of my stomach! I'm really looking forward to when Mischa can feel the baby move. She already talks to my stomach and kisses it and is just such a sweetheart!
I swear my pets are going to kill me. The cat has been under my feet all day, and the dog is always jumping on me when I go to let him out or bring him in. It's such a hassle. We're supposed to get a fence put up around part of the back yard so I don't have to go out and fight with him and his cable, but it's not up yet! I am so ready for that to be done! Something I am worried about is, I just found out last week that my neighbor (Dusty's aunt), has been in my yard visiting the dog. She says she tries to go pet him at least once a day. She texted me to say that she noticed that he was out of food and water. First off, his dishes are in his dog house and you practically have to bend in half to check them, while you're fighting him off. Another thing, he's right outside our bedroom window. And she doesn't work, and has crazy hours that she's awake, so who knows when she's out there. The dog is in at night though, so thankfully I don't have to worry about her getting any audio show, but that's still really weird. I'm worried that when we put the fence up that she'll still let herself into the yard to "visit the dog", and that's just not right. And creepy. And what if the dog gets out? I don't want to move, but could we move a few neighbors? So not getting into why I hate all my neighbors.... I don't have the time or energy right now!
On a kinda good note, I was so sick last night. I think it's from exhaustion (imagine that), but Dusty stayed home from work to take care of me. That's the kinda good right there. That's it. He hates going to work and is always asking if I need him to stay home. It's pretty stressful, to be honest. I know he absolutely hates his job, and I totally understand that. But he has such wonderful pay and benefits, and with this economy, that's great! I just get worried that he really will just walk out and quit one of these days like he keeps saying he wants to.
Well, he just has two more nights (tonight and tomorrow). Oh, tomorrow I get to go talk to my pastor's wife about why we're switching church. I'm nervous as crap. It's nothing against them, we love them, but it's something we feel God is telling us to do. And it's kind of scary. We weren't even looking for a new church, just visiting a friend's church. And Dusty is already friends with the pastor, who is also friends with our pastor. Or is it now former pastor? It's so confusing! I hope I don't have nightmares about being sent to hell because we switched churches.. Dang pregnancy hormones!
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