I tried a few days ago to sit down, relax, and write my first blog [in a year!]. Then I suddenly had a husband at one shoulder, and my daughter on my other. It wasn't going to happen. Not that I have anything to hide (and my daughter is 2, she just thinks the laptop is hers), I just can't stand people reading over my shoulder, which I know my husband would have done.
So, here I am! It's 9:30 pm, my husband is at work, Mischa is in bed, I've got CSI on. It's mommy time! But not for too long because I am soooo exhausted.
I am pregnant again :). It's been a long, painful road, but we're finally here. Our daughter was born February 20, 2008, and it was the most amazing day ever :). November 2008, however, I had my first miscarriage. It was one of the hardest days of my life. We had talked about wanting to keep our kids relatively close together, and since our daughter was born 10 days after my birthday, my husband thought it would be "awesome" to have a baby around his birthday (July, when this baby would have been due). I didn't know I was pregnant until I lost it. And my husband was two states away on a guys' weekend. When he got home, we did all the steps of the doctor's visit, blood work, healing, TTC. It took about 7 months until I got pregnant again. This one was the hardest because everything was going great (so I thought). We had a wonderful ultrasound, I had to take progesterone pills because my progesterone levels were low. I had ultrasounds three weeks in a row because not long after the first I started having complications. At my final ultrasound, I was 6 weeks, but there was no heartbeat and the baby measured at 5 weeks. I lost him that day. We named him Haven. We lost a third baby, around 5 weeks, the day after Christmas. Once I figure out the photo uploads, I'll add a picture of the tattoo I got for my angels. I needs updated, since I've lost once more since I got it, but I still love that I have it. I have my babies with me always.
Now we're due in November, I am 9 weeks along and so far everything is going beautifully! This is our rainbow baby (baby after loss), and I am so clinging to the original meaning of the rainbow: God's sign of a promise. I believe this baby is a sign of a promise from God that I won't lose anymore babies. I truly believe that the only reason I lost the three before is because Satan is scared of what my children are capable of. There was no physical or chemical reason for me to have any miscarriages. I know that I must sound like a Bible thumper, but this right here is something I'm so passionate about, and it gets me through the day.
Well, my baby brain is kicking, I have no idea if I had a point to this blog, but there you go lol. I'm done with CSI, moving on to Fringe, getting some cantelope (all I can eat in the evenings!) then getting the dog in and going to bed.
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